Prayer has the power to change things and that includes marriages. In this bonus mini-episode, we dig into more of our discussion with Relationship Coach, Rev. Monica Humpal, this time with a focus on faith. So much impact can be made when we pray with and for our spouse, and so much good can come out of looking to the example of Jesus to help us with communication, boundaries and how we treat each other.
In our last episode “Are You Fighting Fair With Your Partner?”, Rev. Humpal gave us lessons in effective communication that were both brilliant and easy to implement. We really zoomed in on conflict and problem solving. In this part of the conversation, we drill down more into how our faith informs this process. As with the last episode, we get some practical advice from someone who has counseled many women and couples through trauma and healing. Wherever you are in your relationship: whether it’s in need of repair and reconciliation, whether it’s in need of strengthening or you could just use a brush up for good maintenance, click play! We believe what you’ll hear in the next few minutes will pack a big punch!
Sandy Kovach [00:00:03]:
Welcome to Imagine Yourself podcast, where we help you imagine your next chapter of life with grace, gratitude, courage, and faith. I'm Sandy, and Lanee and I are happy you could join us once again as we continue our focus on relationships. In our last episode with relationship coach, Reverend Monica Humpal, we talked a lot about communication. In this bonus episode, we feature previously unreleased excerpts of our conversation that revolve around the power of faith and prayer in marriage. A lot of times, my husband and I will de-escalate things by praying together and praying for each other. Is that something that you recommend?
Rev. Monica Humpal [00:00:48]:
Absolutely. Well, first of all, praying for our spouse every day, I think, just Is it just a practice that we need to all get into? Again, we can't control other people, but we pray that God is working in and through our spouse every single day. And and I really Hope that that's reciprocated back and forth. Like, I my husband prays for me. I pray for him. I would also you know, I don't think We really look at Jesus as that guy who had communication down pat. I mean, the if you wanna talk about a guy Who could get in there and converse with people about really difficult subjects, get his point across. He had very healthy boundaries. Jesus had amazing boundaries. And if we're devoted to Christ and we're walking the walk and we're we're trying to Be the example of Christ in the world and our relationships. Being that example means we have to have healthy boundaries. It means we have to treat people the way Christ calls us to do it. We love our neighbor as we love ourselves, And that steps out in front of us and every word that comes out of our mouth. Right? And when your your fuse is short and you're irritated, your homey might snap at your husband, We are human. That is gonna that's gonna eke out. That's just our reality. But the more we engage our faith and realize very quickly when we need to apologize, when we need to take a step back and and rephrase something that we said, or If maybe the way we're seeing our husband is not in the loving light in which we're called to see him through the eyes of Christ, Those are the things in our faith that really ground everything about us when it comes to how we communicate with one another, how we engage in that relationship. And I'll make a recommendation if you haven't done any boundaries work. Boundaries by doctor Henry Cloud is absolutely amazing. It's Christian based, and, there is a workbook that goes along with it. There is a book. And Actually, follow him on, social media. So if you're on Facebook, you can find doctor Henry Cloud there. He also has a website called boundaries dot me, me. That kind of Christian help to help us just be better, well rounded people, there are a lot of resources out there that help us with that. But At the foundation of who we are as Christ followers, we can never go wrong if Christ's love steps out ahead of any word that comes out of our mouth. Just let Christ lead. And if we feel as though our emotions are, like, circumventing that and going around and saying things, If we're just ever aware, emotions drive thoughts, drive actions. At the thought process, that's when we'd put on the brakes. That's when we say, woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Woah. Christ is not in front of me right now. Hang on. Wow. I need to I need to I need to invite Christ back into the engine, not the caboose. Crisis in the front seat. We can't go wrong. We absolutely cannot go wrong if we remember that.
Lanée Blaise [00:03:52]:
And if we take time like Jesus had to do also away from everybody to really get centered with this father god because That's the other component, not in a spiteful, oh, I'm gonna go over in this corner and mope, and you can't talk to me right now. But just to like, I'm gonna need a few minutes to step back and get myself right before I blow up and say these things to you and then wish that I hadn't. Like you said too, even Jesus's wording was just very different than the way most of us speak. Sometimes he'd ask people questions.
Rev. Monica Humpal [00:04:30]:
Lanée Blaise [00:04:31]:
Sometimes he would give a parable and kind of put it over. It's not like I'm saying you are doing this. Still trying to show you what I'm getting at without directing, you know, venom towards you.
Rev. Monica Humpal [00:04:45]:
Absolutely. And I will follow that up with as, you know, Jesus, as a coach, that is one of my callings to be a coach because Coaching is about asking questions. It's about helping people bring themselves to that place of of a deeper understanding, and I think that that's biblical. Jesus did it, and sometimes we have to ask ourselves these questions. Why am I feeling like this right now? What is you know, why is it that when my husband walks in the room, I get tense. What what am I upset with him about right now? Or, you know, why am I feeling sad? Why did what he said hurt me? So Jesus gave us the perfect example, everybody. Just follow Jesus' lead. You absolutely cannot go wrong.
Lanée Blaise [00:05:25]:
What is one good, Juicy statement that you feel that whoever's listening needs to just take away with them, that'll resonate with them, that will carry them as we depart today.
Rev. Monica Humpal [00:05:37]:
Probably one of the most important things that I feel I've conveyed to my clients, and this is something I had to Learn for myself is that I am responsible to my husband and not for him, And this kinda ties into boundaries. I spent a lot of my life kinda codependent. Like, If my husband was upset, I was upset. I wanted him to be happy all the time, and if he wasn't, suddenly I wasn't. And it was just kind of an unhealthy Back and forth and the freedom of being able to say, you know, I'm responsible to him for how I treat him, how I talk to him, how I love him, how I Engage in our marriage, but I am not responsible for his feelings, his thoughts, and his actions. So if he is not having a good day. I'm responsible to him for saying, hey. Is there anything I can do to help? And if he just goes, no. I just wanna be by myself. Okay. That was super hard for me because I don't know if it was I had a controlling tendency, but I always internalized how other people felt around me. I wanted everyone to be happy. And if they weren't, suddenly, I started wondering, is it my fault? Did I do anything wrong? So realizing that I am responsible to other people. I'm not responsible for them. That was one of the biggest things I learned, and it is really freeing.
Lanée Blaise [00:07:05]:
Wow. I guarantee you there is somebody who just ate that up because they needed, You know, because it's it's really something that a lot of people struggle with
Sandy Kovach [00:07:16]:
Lanée Blaise [00:07:17]:
And don't even see it as Something to change. We may be taught to be responsible for their happiness. We're their helpmate, So we're supposed to be responsible so you have turned that around in a beautiful way.
Rev. Monica Humpal [00:07:35]:
Good. Good. Good.
Sandy Kovach [00:07:38]:
Thanks for listening. Hope you enjoyed this bonus episode. I highly recommend if you haven't listened to Are You fighting fair with your partner. Go back and check out that one. Lots of great relationship advice from reverend Monica Humpal, especially when it comes to communicating and, of course, fighting fair. We'll put a link to that one in the show notes and also a link to where you can more resources from Reverend Humpal. Love to hear what you thought of the episode or any other feedback you have. If you can give us a rating or review, we Certainly appreciate that. We also invite you to join the conversation on social media. We're on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter, and all our links as always at imagine yourself podcast.com or in the show notes.
FIND REV. MONICA HUMPAL:
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