Imagine Yourself Resisting the Urge for More, More, More (Part 2 of 2)
- Lanee and Sandy
- Jun 17, 2019
- 1 min read
Updated: Jun 21, 2024
Does this sound like you or someone you know?
I need to do more.
I need to be more.
I need to stand out more.
More attention. More success. More likes. More followers. More status. More, more, more!
Do these thoughts ever take hold of you? We all can become super vulnerable to all the hype for MORE and get ourselves so worked up that we end up feeling LESS.
This world is made beautiful when people seek to better themselves and their situations. In fact, taking our lives, talents, and abilities to the next level is a good thing—in moderation. However, if left unchecked, we become puppets with a pattern of overzealous, obsessed focus on more just for the sake of more. Perfectly wonderful individuals can be swept into a frenzy of relentless, never-ending selfies, self-promotion, and self-centeredness.
The consequences can be many and often encourage feelings of self-doubt. Questions like these can creep in:
Do they see me?
Did I prove myself?
Can somebody please tell me I’m enough?
We’re here to tell you that you are enough. We’re here to free you from getting stuck in The More Zone. Enjoy this latest episode that confirms the fact that More is not always better and that you are already enough!
EPISODE TRANSCRIPT
Sandy Kovach [00:00:01]:
Life can throw a lot at you, but imagine if your life were different, better, not because of what's coming at you, but because of what's coming from you. Let's get there together, join us, and imagine yourself.
Lanée Blaise [00:00:14]:
So glad you've joined us today for a real and close to home topic. I'm Lanee.
Sandy Kovach [00:00:20]:
And this is Sandy. So what real thing are we imagining today?
Lanée Blaise [00:00:25]:
We are imagining ourselves truly understanding and truly believing that we are enough, we do enough, and we don't have to buy into the thought that we must do more, be more, just more, more, more. Uh-uh. Not doing that.
Sandy Kovach [00:00:43]:
So we're not gonna sing more, more, more this time?
Lanée Blaise [00:00:46]:
We still could.
Sandy Kovach [00:00:46]:
No. I'll skip that part. Other people might not appreciate that. We would be amused.
Lanée Blaise [00:00:51]:
Yeah. Well, any anyone who listened to our previous podcast, this is kind of a part 2 of 2 series where we were talking about and I am gonna do it. We were talking about more, more, more. How do you like it? How do you like it? And it's just we don't like it. We don't want to just get stuck in that incessant, insatiable more aspect. And see the last conversation that we had was concentrated on how humans seem to always want more stuff and it can get very materialistic and out of control. But today, we are talking more more about how humans in this society Lanee, especially, we just want an outrageous amount more from ourselves and from others, and these are the intangible things that we're requiring of ourselves, and it has just come to a ridiculous and relentless degree. And Sandy, I'm over it.
Lanée Blaise [00:01:45]:
I cannot continue to let society tell me or that I tell myself that we must be more, do more, work more, make more, reach higher, be stronger, give more, conquer more, more, more. I just can't take it anymore. I can't take it anymore.
Sandy Kovach [00:01:57]:
Anymore. No. No more. No more. Hashtag no more. Thank you.
Lanée Blaise [00:02:02]:
Yes. We're gonna put that on our Instagram post. Alright. Yeah.
Sandy Kovach [00:02:04]:
So it's a problem that I think we talked a little bit before in one of our podcasts about Lanee. And we talked about the fact that it starts from a young age, and it just kind of grows from there. Yeah.
Lanée Blaise [00:02:18]:
And it can spiral out of control, and we can have these demands. Like you said, yeah, it can start on our children when they're supposed to be in those formative, fun, happy years with all these expectations.
Sandy Kovach [00:02:29]:
Not to say that we just let everybody run wild and we don't have expectations of our children. We do. I mean, you need to create expectations for people to live up to. But I think the expectations we're creating Lanee, 1, at times ridiculous. And 2, maybe not even driven by the child's best interest, but maybe driven by our interest or what other parents are gonna think.
Lanée Blaise [00:02:52]:
Or trying to prove yourself or your kids to others or trying to show off
Sandy Kovach [00:02:58]:
I think in some cases, it's true. Remember the college cheating scandal that went on not too long ago? Yes.
Lanée Blaise [00:03:05]:
Lori
Sandy Kovach [00:03:05]:
Loughlin from Full House and oh, aunt Becky. Oh my goodness. Yeah. She obviously had so much. Her husband, wasn't he a designer and seemed to have a beautiful life? Just because she wanted her daughters to go to a school with a big name, she went through all this and now she was facing all these charges.
Lanée Blaise [00:03:23]:
And that's the thing where you said that it sometimes is not even in the best interest of anyone in this case, but let alone the child, where there could have been a good fit at another wonderful university, but there's this striving for more. And we are living in a, ta da, world. Have you noticed that that it's become more and more that you feel this pressure of the world is waiting impatiently for us to figure out our next big act on stage, and I just don't want to live that way anymore personally and feel that I am less than if I don't have some big production to display in life or you know what I'm gonna say next, Sandy, on social media.
Sandy Kovach [00:04:10]:
I mean, that's I was going there in my mind because before social media, sure. Certainly, there was a lot of this And especially when it came to your kids' education and things like that. But on social media, everything is amplified.
Lanée Blaise [00:04:23]:
Yes. Because social media makes it, like I was saying, sort of about being a stage. It really does become a stage of photos and noteworthy things where you're saying, look at me. Look what I can do. Look what my kids can do. Look what we can do. And it becomes an incessant barrage that comes on you. It's just too much.
Lanée Blaise [00:04:44]:
It's not helpful. It's not realistic.
Sandy Kovach [00:04:47]:
No. I agree.
Lanée Blaise [00:04:48]:
And we wanna give people some grace today. We wanna give you grace. You don't have to live up to this big standard. You definitely need to define a standard of what makes your life feel complete and full and the betterment of things, but not in this competitive type of environment.
Sandy Kovach [00:05:06]:
Competitive. I think you hit the nail on the head and okay. There's a difference between competing with yourself to be better and competing with other people because they've achieved a certain thing, and then now you feel like, well, I gotta do that. And it's before social media. I mean, it could be your sister. Your sister got into such and such university. So now you feel like, well, I gotta do it. So it's not only social media, and of course, it's not only education.
Sandy Kovach [00:05:33]:
But now with it thrown in our face all the time, it's like keeping up with the Joneses times a million.
Lanée Blaise [00:05:40]:
And that's the part where we talked about this in another podcast also. We had Sherry Duquette, who's a wonderful author, and we talked about how that whole external living is maybe not the way to go. Internal living, self love, and like you said, you have your own desires and your own things that you want to express and that is what you can focus on. I really believe that although there may be lots of areas where we want to improve and grow and develop because that's what humans should do, we might need to start with self acceptance and self love and really concentrating and even saying out loud to ourselves, today, I am alive, I am blessed, and I am enough as I am right now.
Sandy Kovach [00:06:30]:
Right. Of course, we're gonna have goals. We're not here to put goals down. But I think you hit the nail on the head too by saying, be okay in the moment where you're at because where you're at is where you may be learning or may you may be enjoying life in many ways. There have been times in my life where I've had a lot of stuff going on and times in my life where it was pretty low key. And honestly, I look back and the more low key times were more enjoyable in a lot of ways because I was focusing on other things like my family and just being in the moment instead of running off to the next thing. And again, I'm not against achievement or going for things, but I'm just saying there is beauty in just relaxing a little bit.
Lanée Blaise [00:07:16]:
That is our point today, to get back to that type of thinking and that type of wisdom and that type of truth. Because there's a lot of us running around trying to check off boxes in this life. Be born, that's one check, we all do that, but you know, graduate check, get that special job, get that special relationship. And it's either check the box or not check the box, and you might feel validated or invalidated as a human based on those check marks. And we have to remember I mean, even the Bible, which is can be a guidebook, says that already from birth we are fearfully and wonderfully made, and God did make us. We do have a purpose. We do have work that we are supposed to do. We have preparations that we must make, but we also are meant to have a sense of contentment, and peace, and gratitude, versus that more, more, more onto the next, onto the next accomplishment, more goals, it becomes unaccomplishable.
Sandy Kovach [00:08:17]:
Unattainable. Unattainable. I like
Lanée Blaise [00:08:18]:
that better. Yes.
Sandy Kovach [00:08:19]:
And definitely unsettling. I was reading, a blog, and I don't know this author, but I may get his book. His name is Steven Geis, and he starts his blog off with, by age 3, you should have a driver's license. By age 6, you should be married. Age 13, net worth of $300,000. I mean, and he's just saying this to say, okay. That's obviously ridiculous. But is it any more ridiculous or any less ridiculous that we said, I wanna be married by 25.
Sandy Kovach [00:08:47]:
I wanna have my first million by 40. Whatever it is. Yes. I wanna have x number of kids and
Lanée Blaise [00:08:51]:
And putting those demands on others too.
Sandy Kovach [00:08:53]:
Other people. What? You're not married yet?
Lanée Blaise [00:08:57]:
So you've got that blog that you looked at. It made an impact on you, and it just now made an impact on me. Because even though the numbers and the ages, he's kinda putting a spoof on it or a social commentary, it is a mindset. You know? He he's just exaggerating a real true mindset. But because I've been going around the house trying to rein in my own sense of making sure that I don't go crazy with the more, more, more. My husband shared one of the most powerful articles with me that I have read in a while. And it was in the New York Times last month and it lays out the way humans get super excited about something. They they kinda hone in on something that they want to achieve, especially if it's one particular accomplishment and pursuing it and working towards it until finally accomplishing that one great thing.
Lanée Blaise [00:09:52]:
And what do you know? Very soon after, humans tend to feel a sense of emptiness and begin thinking, now what?
Sandy Kovach [00:10:03]:
You know? Sounds about right.
Lanée Blaise [00:10:04]:
Now what? We talked about this in the part one podcast as far as when you get things like little children. They get things. They get all the Christmas gifts they want, and then they're like, on to the next. Now what? But we do this with ourselves also. And this study, it had a name. It's called arrival fallacy.
Sandy Kovach [00:10:21]:
Oh, my gosh. Yes.
Lanée Blaise [00:10:23]:
And it's the belief that once you arrive at that sweet accomplishment, you will finally feel content. But all those psychological studies that they did showed that you don't. They showed that people predicted this long term happiness that they were gonna get once they reach these certain goals and they were happy maybe that day of or maybe even that week of, but then they had this let down feeling. And the doctor in charge of the study, Doctor. Ben Shahar, said after the studies that they did extensively, the number one predictor of happiness is the quality time we spend with people we care about and who care about us. In other words, relationships.
Sandy Kovach [00:11:07]:
Relationships make happiness, not goals. Yes. But do people think like that? I think it tells the story of pretty much most people. Because you do. You think, well, even if it's a great goal, once I lose £20 or once I get this job or when I had a kid or once I retire or or could be anything, I can't wait for x day.
Lanée Blaise [00:11:29]:
And then when it happens, that turns out to not be the determiner of long term happiness. You got that more. You got it. You got it. But then that wasn't the thing that really did it for you. It was the quality relationships that will give you the sustainable long term happiness. So that whole thing turned out to be a light bulb moment for me, because I actually did buy in very strongly to the what if I get to that point, just like you were saying, when I get to this, when I reach that, and this kind of flipped that on its head. And I have to ask Lanee Game of Thrones lovers out there who love the TV show Game of Thrones.
Lanée Blaise [00:12:11]:
You watch Game of Thrones, Sandy?
Sandy Kovach [00:12:13]:
We were gonna get into it, and then we decided to wait for the last season to play so we can binge it out, the whole thing.
Lanée Blaise [00:12:19]:
So there's lots of positives and negatives to binge watching TV, but this one could be
Sandy Kovach [00:12:25]:
Are you telling me we missed the boat? We needed to watch it. Like no.
Lanée Blaise [00:12:28]:
No. No. What I'm telling you is whether you watched it from, like, where you went through every year and you watched it from year 1 and then year 2 season and with those whole 8 years with the folks or whether you binge watched it all, what's been happening around the country, at least according to the news, is that there are a lot of people who are quote unquote suffering right now. They're having this terrible letdown.
Lanée Blaise [00:12:52]:
over? Because the show is over And Oh my gosh. Yeah. Wow. The the big bang theory is another one that they've been I can see that. Yeah. But but In that case See, the they've become attached to the people and the characters and and again, they want more, but it is something that had to end. Right? So the show is at an end and it has affected the fans, but it has also affected some of the actors. 1 of the main characters is now having to seek therapy because it is I don't know him personally and I'm not his therapist, but but what some are believing is that the culmination of this big huge project that you put all your hope and dreams into is finally accomplished, and now it's over.
Sandy Kovach [00:13:38]:
And how do you outdo Game of Thrones or Big Bang Theory?
Lanée Blaise [00:13:41]:
Exactly. As an actor, as a producer, as a yeah. It really takes a psychological effect. And so I wonder if we perhaps spread our goals around a bit and not just put it on one big thing, that one big next thing. We spread our goals around a bit. We spread our purpose around a bit. We enhance our relationships more and our quality time more, we may be less susceptible to having something like this hit us.
Sandy Kovach [00:14:07]:
That's true. All of our eggs in one basket, whether it's your career basket Yeah. You're living through the next big job or promotion or next big sale or it's something in the relationship realm too. Like, you're not gonna be happy until you get married or have kids or until your kids grow up. And they have a successful career or children or whatever. All of these things are fine. But if you're only living in that,
Lanée Blaise [00:14:32]:
Yeah. Then you are missing a lot. Now there's a lot to do with money also that that same little study I was talking about, they did have to make some mention of money. They did say income does matter because humans do need food, security, and clean housing as a necessity. But after you're satisfied at a certain point, then actually, again, you don't want to put all your eggs in that basket of money, because humans, again, tend to find, they get a certain amount of money, and then they still want more. It is a never ending, never satisfying pit.
Sandy Kovach [00:15:08]:
There's a lot of miserable rich people out there.
Lanée Blaise [00:15:10]:
Yeah. And successful people too. But as a little cautionary tale, I had been very ambition driven as a teenager actually, which is not always the case for young people. But a lot of people who knew me then and know me now will say that I actually have mellowed out a lot and that my quality of life level is actually up. But in high school, I, in 10th grade, vowed that I was going to be valedictorian and I was going to make straight A's for the entire school career. Wow. Yeah. I don't necessarily recommend this.
Lanée Blaise [00:15:44]:
Wow. That was a lot of pressure. Yeah. A lot of pressure. Then I put self imposed pressure. I decided I was gonna sacrifice time and friendships and sleep and all the high school fun that most people have just so that I could prove to I don't know who I was trying to prove this to, but prove that the idea of success could be held by me. And that when I got to that point, when I made, you know, graduated and made valedictorian, life was just gonna be great. But instead, I did all that.
Lanée Blaise [00:16:16]:
I burned out. I did become valedictorian. I did graduate with all As, and I had not one ounce of joy from it in the end. Not one ounce?
Sandy Kovach [00:16:26]:
No. Not the accomplishment or anything?
Lanée Blaise [00:16:28]:
No. Because I saw much I got the accomplishment. What did that mean? It had been for the wrong reasons. It did not sustain me. It made me feel isolated and all the little friendships I could have had and the ones that I did have and didn't nurture, it didn't make me feel any more enough. I thought it was going to make me feel enough.
Sandy Kovach [00:16:49]:
Right. There's Lanee, the valedictorian.
Lanée Blaise [00:16:52]:
Boom. And then it was that day and even on that day, I I just it was something missing. There was a void, And that's that part that goes back to that study. Again, the void was very likely quality of life, quality of enjoyment, friendships. And also I have to say too, sometimes, me personally at least, I feel that God is the one that sometimes has to fill that void. God and my family are just very huge components of what makes me feel that I have purpose in my life, and accomplishments are not ever going to feel that money is not ever going to feel that. I no longer want to worry about being good enough, or having enough, or enough, enough, enough, and more, more, more. I want it to be more good things.
Sandy Kovach [00:17:39]:
-Yeah.
Lanée Blaise [00:17:40]:
-More blessings, more appreciation, more beautiful development.
Sandy Kovach [00:17:45]:
In this society, and again, I love this country, nothing against capitalism, and nothing against marketing. And I think we talked a lot about marketing in the last thing because marketers try to create that emotional connection by making you feel like you're not enough unless you have their product. And that's their job. But we gotta be aware of that when we watch a commercial, when something comes onto our social media, that they're trying to hit you with you are not complete, or you could be so much better, your life could be so much better only if you buy this cream or you use this product. And it's not to say that some of the products are not quality or good stuff, but it's not the answer to everything. But it's the marketer's job to make you feel like it is. Exactly. So that you'll pull that trigger.
Sandy Kovach [00:18:34]:
You'll click through and make the purchase or go to the store and get it.
Lanée Blaise [00:18:39]:
And we don't mind them making money and and selling products and especially if they're quality products. We just it's our purpose or our again, that other podcast, our why behind why we want to consume it.
Sandy Kovach [00:18:52]:
Yeah.
Lanée Blaise [00:18:52]:
Because it seems like what you're saying, there's an endless number of things that they could say to us that we're not enough of
Sandy Kovach [00:18:58]:
That's right.
Lanée Blaise [00:18:58]:
To make us wanna buy it.
Sandy Kovach [00:19:00]:
So, yeah, there's always gonna be people trying to get us to buy things to feel like we're enough, but that doesn't mean that, you know, every time we wanna get something because it might make us happy or we might like something, It's a bad thing. In the same way, there's nothing wrong with living a full life and adding a lot of things to your schedule if that is something you can handle and it's fulfilling. But the difference comes in is if you start to feel overwhelmed by it. Yeah. Because if you're feeling overwhelmed, you may be pushing yourself to limits that you're not supposed to be doing. Again, I wanna bring it back to there's nothing wrong with goals. There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a good career or a family or any of these things. But if it's overwhelming you, if it's draining you instead of fulfilling you, I think that's a flag.
Lanée Blaise [00:19:48]:
I like that because our culture talks a lot about organic living, you know, organic foods and allowing people and relationships to develop organically. And like you're saying, we definitely should have goals and put forth effort, but we we need to realize our boundaries. And sometimes those boundaries of being nice and steady versus overwhelmed, or my dad even has a term said, I may not be overwhelmed, but I'm definitely whelmed. So we don't want to be overwhelmed or whelmed, but think about like organic things. Like think about an apple seed. An organic apple seed. Does it sit there and push and think and strive and struggle and climb and claw to become an apple? And then when it does become an apple, it's like, oh shoot, that's just not good enough.
Sandy Kovach [00:20:39]:
I wanna be a watermelon.
Lanée Blaise [00:20:42]:
No, it doesn't. And a nice little version of looking at nature and thinking about ourselves. Don't do that. Right.
Sandy Kovach [00:20:51]:
No. That's a good illustration. Just remember the apple and the watermelon. Yes.
Lanée Blaise [00:20:54]:
That's our that's our fable.
Sandy Kovach [00:20:56]:
Be an apple. Yes.
Lanée Blaise [00:20:58]:
If you're an apple, be an apple. Don't go out there trying to be a watermelon. You're gonna look ridiculous.
Sandy Kovach [00:21:04]:
I can see the meme right now.
Lanée Blaise [00:21:06]:
I'm gonna put that on Instagram too. Yeah. Since we're both proponents and opponents of social media.
Sandy Kovach [00:21:13]:
Social media is good in the right context. There are a lot of great things on social media. As we've discussed many times, there's a lot of positive stuff out there, and you connect with family and friends. Did you ever know that you were gonna keep in touch with people from elementary school? Right. Because you found them on Facebook. You know?
Lanée Blaise [00:21:29]:
So see how that yes. And and in a good way, like, see what they're up to and see fun things and be like, oh my goodness. I just never would have seen such and such turning into a mom or a judge or whatever. You know, it's just can be beautiful.
Sandy Kovach [00:21:42]:
It can be. It's just what we have made it. It's gonna be with us for a long time, and it's part of our lives now.
Lanée Blaise [00:21:49]:
But we can choose what we want to consume and ingest from social media as well, just like what we choose to purchase and consume in the marketplace also.
Sandy Kovach [00:21:59]:
Right. Just be aware. Just like we were talking about marketing products, Facebook and everybody else is trying to get you to spend as much time as possible on the platform, whether it's on your phone or wherever you look at Facebook or Instagram. So they're manipulating you, and that's what they do. It's okay. They're a business. They're allowed to do that. But be aware of that and monitor your time on social media and monitor what you are looking at.
Lanée Blaise [00:22:21]:
Yeah. Because once you know what is it? The more you know, the more you grow or something.
Sandy Kovach [00:22:25]:
Something like that.
Lanée Blaise [00:22:26]:
Yeah. When I was a little kid
Lanée Blaise [00:22:27]:
they used to have some little phrase like that. But yeah. The more you know is like a thing on TV
Lanée Blaise [00:22:31]:
A little public service announcement.
Sandy Kovach [00:22:33]:
Yeah.
Lanée Blaise [00:22:33]:
Well, if you are ready for takeaway action time
Sandy Kovach [00:22:37]:
Takeaway time. So were we calling it action time now?
Lanée Blaise [00:22:39]:
It depends. I guess this one's gonna be takeaway time. Sometimes I have these challenges that I want people to go out and do, but this one I just just takeaways. This one's just takeaways.
Sandy Kovach [00:22:48]:
So let me grab my notebook and my highlighter.
Lanée Blaise [00:22:50]:
Yeah, get your highlighter pen. So takeaway number 1, UNO. How about we concentrate on quality over quantity? Take the gifts that you've been given by God and do those few things well and with intention and purpose, and do them lovingly instead of overwhelmingly. Orwhelmed. Orwhelmed. Number 2, have a we versus me attitude as we look at our nation, our world, our community, because there are ways that we can all accomplish and benefit if we take on a we concept instead of a me concept. That whole look at me, look what I can do. That just leaves us empty.
Lanée Blaise [00:23:35]:
How about we also concentrate more on relationships and gratitude for life and loved ones, finding contentment there instead of waiting for some final destination accomplishment, that one big thing and checking off those boxes in an unappreciative, unsustaining way. Also, this is like real hits close to home because I suffer from this also, please don't underestimate your worth. Please don't measure yourself by some of the standards that this society will make you feel that you have to be a model or you have to be a athlete or famous or rich to have contributed to this world. Your own acts of kindness, your own insightful discoveries, your own caring, loving, meaningful, intelligent ways are enough. Absolutely. And has to be a motto.
Sandy Kovach [00:24:30]:
This world has it backwards in many ways.
Lanée Blaise [00:24:32]:
So we have to tell ourselves what we need to hear in order to thrive.
Sandy Kovach [00:24:37]:
Exactly.
Lanée Blaise [00:24:38]:
And finally, put those tablets and phones and social media platforms down every once in a while and give yourself a break. It may feel like you have control when your little fingers are typing and scrolling and clicking and doing, but real relationships is where it's at, even if that is a real relationship with yourself. So all this to say, imagine yourself free from society imposed or self imposed demands to be and do more, more, more, while we savor who we already are and what we already do to help make this life and this world more enjoyable, more lovable, and more livable.
Sandy Kovach [00:25:22]:
Thanks for listening. Now we'd like to hear from you. Got an idea for the show? Want to share your story or just say hello? Make sure you connect with us. You can do that at imagine yourself podcast.com, and we'll talk to you again next time when we have something new to imagine.
Wondering about that More More More song (caution, it will get stuck in your head!)
