Imagine Yourself Pushing Past Perfectionism

Spoiler Alert: Perfect isn't perfect!

The other day, I woke up, walked down the hall, uncovered my Magic Mirror, and said,

“Mirror, Mirror on the wall….Show me all the ways that I’m Perfect, Show them one and all!”

At first, absolutely NOTHING showing up on the mirror. But, then, finally, an image appeared in huge letters…..I-M-P-E-R-F-E-C-T. My Magic Mirror loudly exclaimed, “That’s the only perfect part of you—that you and all your fellow humans are Perfectly Imperfect!”

I’ve struggled with perfectionism for much of my life. And I’m over it! Are you? Do you want to waste precious moments criticizing or analyzing your every move? Are you willing to spend your life waiting for everything to be perfect or do you want to enjoy the spontaneity and spice of life as is? Do we need to let opportunities pass us by because we’re not perfect for it yet? FYI: there are millions of people taking on jobs, having kids, getting married, running businesses and they have No. Idea. What. They. Are. Doing!!! But, they’re willing to allow their imperfect selves to learn. We’re all for learning more and getting better.

So let’s shift our focus from being perfect to just taking small steps towards being better.

How about our expectations of others….are you willing to buy into a belief that differences can add variety and flavor to this world? And that we’re all wired differently (for a good reason)? Just think about it. Some of the biggest, imperfect “mistakes” in this world ended up being some of the greatest inventions. And some of the most imperfect people in our history have made some of the greatest advances in science, religion, education and the arts. Maybe we all need to realize that life would be no fun if everybody was perfect!

Push PLAY to listen to the podcast as we Push Past Perfection and admit to our own struggles with it.

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Sandy Kovach  [00:00:01]:

Life can throw a lot at you, but imagine if your life were different, better, not because of what's coming at you, but because of what's coming from you. Let's get there together. Join us and imagine yourself

Lanee Blaise  [00:00:12]:

Welcome. Welcome. We're your hosts. I'm Lanee.

Sandy Kovach  [00:00:18]:

And this is Sandy. And, Lanee, what are we imagining today?

Lanee Blaise  [00:00:22]:

Imagine yourself living life without the burden of perfectionism. I want you to sit and think back to your very first kiss.

Sandy Kovach  [00:00:36]:

Uh-oh. Yeah. Also, okay,

Lanee Blaise  [00:00:38]:

how about your very first date ever?

Sandy Kovach  [00:00:42]:

Like, first first? 1st first. Okay.

Lanée Blaise [00:00:45]:

Everybody out there, think about your first day of school, your first day on the job. What about the first time you ever drove a car?

Sandy Kovach  [00:00:56]:

So, basically, you're doing big firsts in someone's life. Things that they would anticipate, maybe be a little bit nervous about, and then it happens. And what's the feeling? Is that where we're leading us?

Lanée Blaise [00:01:08]:

Well, that, but also, when you think back to your first kiss or the first time you drove a car, is the first thing you think in your head, oh my gosh. It was so perfect.

Sandy Kovach  [00:01:21]:

Absolutely not. It's a disaster. Well, the car part was, medium, but the first kiss, yeah. Awkward.

Lanée Blaise [00:01:28]:

It was awkward. But now would you change it, or did some aspect of that help kinda make your life a little more interesting that it wasn't so perfect?

Sandy Kovach  [00:01:39]:

No. No. I think it actually did. Although at the time, it felt a little awkward. Looking back, it the awkwardness kinda made it a little bit special.

Lanée Blaise [00:01:47]:

That's what we're getting at today as far as we're taught to strive for perfection. We hope to have a perfect first date and a perfect first day on the job and perfect results and perfect everything. But many times that's not what happens. Things don't turn out perfectly. And maybe we're better off when we don't have perfection as our goal.

Sandy Kovach  [00:02:12]:

When we just enjoy the moments, when we just aren't concentrating so much on, okay. Well, driving technique. Yeah. That's something you have to but first date. I mean, not even just your first date, first date, but your first date with anybody. Like, you know, think back, like, when you met your husband, how was your first date?

Lanée Blaise [00:02:32]:

The good part was I didn't necessarily have it in my mind that he was the one. So I was very relaxed as far as just deciding I'm just gonna go for fun whatever. I did not expect perfection And maybe that's what made it so comfortable and led to where we are now, 20 years married. Yeah. You know?

Sandy Kovach  [00:02:55]:

So if you had gone in with the expectation is, okay. This guy is maybe the one for me, so I better do this, and I better do that. I better not say this, and I better act like that.

Lanée Blaise [00:03:04]:

I would not have been myself. I would not have enjoyed it as much. I don't think he would have gotten to see the real me. I'm glad it wasn't perfect.

Sandy Kovach  [00:03:15]:

So when you were dating your husband at that time in your life, did you want to eventually get married, or was that something that was on your radar? I wanna do it pretty soon. Or were you

Lanée Blaise [00:03:25]:

Well, now he was my college sweetheart. Oh. So I was not necessarily thinking about marriage. Then I was just thinking about dating, and I he seemed like a nice enough guy, and there was chemistry, but nothing about it seemed like this is going to be my husband. He's the perfect person for the future, and I guess we weren't yet. Yeah. We dated for 4 years before we got married. So we evolved into into ourselves and we got it got better.

Lanée Blaise [00:03:55]:

I just I really struggled with perfectionism for a good deal of my life. And now that I'm older, I feel that I could have saved a lot of anxiety, a lot of worry, if I had just tried or if I continue now to live in a way that I'm not always searching for perfection.

Sandy Kovach  [00:04:15]:

So then are there other areas of life that you struggle with perfectionism, like Lanee mom guilt?

Lanée Blaise [00:04:22]:

Mom guilt. Sandy, we have to talk about mom guilt.

Sandy Kovach  [00:04:25]:

I know because it's I don't care if your kids if it's a newborn or college or beyond.

Lanée Blaise [00:04:32]:

I have two thoughts on mom guilt. First part is back in the day, back in the olden days, generationally speaking, I feel that and maybe I'm wrong, but I feel that, like, the baby boomers generation did not have this ideal that you have to be a perfect mom. You have to be a perfect parent. They didn't seem to care as much if you hurt their child's feelings.

Sandy Kovach  [00:04:58]:

No. They didn't, did they? I mean, our my parents, it was completely different. You'd go outside and play, and they wouldn't worry about you. Well, that's a whole different issue. But

Lanée Blaise [00:05:07]:

Yeah. The safety part. But I'm kinda getting at a part where many of my girlfriends and ladies that I know struggle with, I don't want to break my child's spirit. I don't want to harm them in such a way psychologically that they're just broken. And every thing, every single decision and movement is considered as a possible if I mess this up and it's not perfect, I've ruined my child. I've ruined their life.

Sandy Kovach  [00:05:36]:

Well, there's so much information. Like, every 5 seconds, you know, something might pop up on your Twitter feed or Facebook or something. You know, 5 steps to making your kid the perfect genius. Or and you better feed him organic food, and you better do this.

Lanée Blaise [00:05:52]:

Yeah. And sign them up for too many activities or not enough activities

Sandy Kovach  [00:05:55]:

or Right.

Lanée Blaise [00:05:55]:

Like tiger mom phenomenon. Also, I wanna take the burden off and actually believe that with good intentions and with good discipline, our children will turn out just fine and kinda go back to the generations where I feel like we all turned out okay. I think so.

Sandy Kovach  [00:06:15]:

One of the things that I learned pretty early is you need to have let your child fail. And because they have to deal with that in life.

Lanée Blaise [00:06:24]:

Yes. Please. That is that is my plea to let them learn coping skills and let them learn how to bounce back after a failure so that they don't feel that they have to be perfect, and you don't feel that you have to be perfect as their mom?

Sandy Kovach  [00:06:42]:

The best way that we can learn anything is by making a mistake. And I think, you know, you can scroll through your Instagram feed and see all kinds of quotes about failing forward and how great failure is. But do we really take that in? I mean, do we really appreciate how great a failing experience can be and how much we can learn from that? Because when you look back on some of your greatest successes, it probably came off of a big failure or things you've learned from failing. And whether we're talking about our kids failing or whether we're talking about us, because we're still dealing with it too, just as people, not even as parents, that's the way you get from point a to point b. You usually don't just like, okay. I'm gonna graduate from college, and now I'm gonna have a 6 figure job, and I'm gonna do everything perfectly. It doesn't work that way.

Lanée Blaise [00:07:28]:

I have a little story for you.

Sandy Kovach  [00:07:32]:

Okay.

Lanée Blaise [00:07:33]:

That kind of blows perfection right out the window, and it embraces errors and mistakes in life. This is something that my daughter told me about it. Little known fact, I guess I didn't know, but it's about post it notes.

Sandy Kovach  [00:07:49]:

Post it notes. Kicking it old school with post it notes. Yes.

Lanée Blaise [00:07:52]:

Post it notes. Back in 1968, a scientist at the 3 m Company was trying to create the perfect adhesive. One that was really really strong. But, what he ended up creating, accidentally, was a very weak adhesive that would simply peel off easily anytime it was removed from a substance, and that was just completely imperfect. There was just seemingly no use for it, until a fellow scientist figured he could use it on little slips of paper, because he wanted to have little bookmarks for his church songbook, little bookmarks that would not leave any residue behind, and voila. You take imperfection, and you make it magical, perfect, popular, usable post it notes.

Sandy Kovach  [00:08:44]:

I love that. I I think I had heard that before, but I forgot all about that story. That's amazing. He invented something accidentally because he made a mistake. And I I can't remember how many things Thomas Edison failed on before he actually invented some of his greatest inventions.

Lanée Blaise [00:09:03]:

And I don't know that he, you know, how his level of frustration was during the process of failing and how his spirit continued to believe that one day, this is gonna go right. This is gonna be okay. And I just feel like we must remember that. It sometimes we feel so down and so defeated and so low and so imperfect and so far from our goals that it seems hopeless and it's not, and every time you see a little post it note

Sandy Kovach  [00:09:35]:

Love post it notes, but I don't think we use them as often anymore because we use the notes on our phones, and we're always on our phones.

Lanée Blaise [00:09:43]:

Well, I mean, there's good and bad things to use in cell phones overall.

Sandy Kovach  [00:09:46]:

It's just how you use it. It's the problem is and this is a topic for another conversation, but it it's addicting, and social media is addicting. That's another thing our kids are growing up with. And another thing that feeds into perfectionism is when you are scrolling through your Instagram feed and you see all these people with these perfectly staged photos with the perfect filter, the perfect selfies that they've gotten just the right angle on. And you can even download apps that are almost literally like having Photoshop on your phone that you can doctor it up. You're scrolling through and you're seeing everybody else's perfection, and you're like, I don't look like that.

Lanée Blaise [00:10:22]:

Now that makes me think honestly and truly. Doesn't it make you think that we need to work from the inside out if we want to? I feel like we're sometimes starting from the wrong place. We want to perfect our looks. We want to perfect our image. But what if we if we really just wanted to go ahead and roll with perfectionism, what if we tried to perfect our insides first? There are so many examples of how we should live and what we should concentrate, and we're told to not concentrate on what we'll wear and what we'll eat and drink. But I feel that there's a moment where sometimes you have to stop and remember what's really important and that if you know that you have issues with concentrating on perfectionism, start with the fruits of the spirit. We are told to concentrate on developing our levels of patience Mhmm. And love, our faithfulness, self control.

Sandy Kovach  [00:11:25]:

That's a big one. Yeah. Kindness is a huge one that our whole country and world needs Kindness.

Sandy Kovach  [00:11:31]:

My gosh.

Lanée Blaise [00:11:33]:

Yeah. Joy, peace, gentleness, these are fruits. It's a wonderful standard to teach children. I know there's that book long years ago. Everything I needed to know, I learned in kindergarten.

Sandy Kovach  [00:11:45]:

Yes. Yeah.

Lanée Blaise [00:11:46]:

And these are those same principles. These are simple, simple concepts. Everybody knows these things, I believe. But to sit down and take a moment away from everything, put your phone down, breathe, and actually embrace some of these concepts and really think where in my life do I need to practice more self control? With whom do I need to offer more patience? How do I bring my life to a space where I am bringing peace and love into my home, into my heart, into my life, into my relationships. Where can I show kindness? Where can I believe that there's still gentleness in this world? Turn the the news off for a quick, you know Yeah. Week or so and really focus on pushing out into the world some of these beautiful things as opposed to absorbing some of the negative things.

Sandy Kovach  [00:12:49]:

We are what we think about. Right? Yes. And if we're constantly bombarded, whether it's watching news or on our social feeds or, you know, wherever we're getting the negative information. And unfortunately, the great majority of what's out there is negative because that's what gets people to tune in. That's what gets links to be clicked on. So you have to kinda make an effort Yes. To seek these things out.

Lanée Blaise [00:13:13]:

I just had to put that out there. I know that we talk about things in life overall, but I had to at least mention the part about concentrating on some of those beautiful things that are within humans, really can be found and can be spread.

Sandy Kovach  [00:13:31]:

So kinda putting a bow on this, what we're saying is the striving for perfection is pretty much mostly based on external things. All of these things we worry about, what are people thinking about us? When if we just concentrate on doing our best, concentrating on the fruits of the spirit, working on ourself, and not worrying about is it gonna be perfect.

Lanée Blaise [00:13:58]:

Right. Perfection does not have to be the goal. Actually, bite sized pieces taking into account, evaluating your own personal situations, and realizing there are areas of my life that if I can be better at so I'm an advocate for bettering oneself.

Sandy Kovach  [00:14:17]:

Mhmm.

Lanée Blaise [00:14:17]:

But not necessarily making the standard perfection and choosing air choosing an area. Like I said, even from the fruits of the spirit, choosing an area. Patience is a big one for a lot of people. Faithfulness is a tough one, and especially self control. And that self control, picking up the smartphone when you don't need to, looking at the news when maybe you're not meant to, going inward versus outward. If you work on those things and you better yourselves, you better your lives. And you also get to know more about how you're wired. I'm no electrician, but I do know that, wiring is a thing with humans.

Sandy Kovach  [00:14:59]:

Mhmm.

Lanée Blaise [00:14:59]:

And many times, we may have problems in our relationships because we expect other people to be wired the same way that we're wired. And our expectations are just off the mark. And perhaps if we can stop finding so much fault with others and stop trying to make them see things our way, We might even learn something from them. We might learn that and that Lanee they're not wrong, we're not wrong, but you can merge things and turn out with a viewpoint and a perspective that's better than what you had on your own.

Sandy Kovach  [00:15:38]:

Yeah. Like that famous book, Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Lanée Blaise [00:15:42]:

Yes.

Sandy Kovach  [00:15:42]:

It's kind of the same way. I think that more relates to your relationship, but it could be, like, any kind of a situation whether it's a coworker or a friend. It doesn't have to be a romantic relationship. But if yeah. If somebody's wired differently and you're doing something that you think they're gonna appreciate but they actually doesn't doesn't do anything for them. Like, typically, men are wired to maybe do things for their wives, maybe perform tasks or like, my husband is an engineer, and he does things in the studio for me. And, I mean, that he keeps up my car and he does things like that. But what I want is his attention and his

Sandy Kovach  [00:16:24]:

And words of affirmation is what I personally want, and that's not really my husband's thing.

Lanée Blaise [00:16:32]:

But we need to, you know, we need to appreciate what they do bring to the table, and they us. Right?

Lanée Blaise [00:16:37]:

So And coupled with that, appreciate what they do bring to the table, and love them for who they are, and see the the ways that they express their love to us, but also, we have female friends. We have siblings or sisters or cousins that can give some of that affirmation. They can sit and chat with us and give those long talks and give us some of that compassion and comfort when we when we're hurt, where we don't need to expect and have the expectation that our husband would serve in that role. That's why we're given girlfriends

Sandy Kovach  [00:17:14]:

and cousins. Generally, guys are wired differently. And I love the fact that there are men that are more sensitive in that way. And if you happen to be be married to 1, consider yourself like a bi. And it can cause so much misunderstanding. And whether we're talking about that romantic husband and wife thing or we're talking about, like, just ways that your coworker might operate differently. And it's the same thing. Learn how people are wired, like you said.

Lanée Blaise [00:17:43]:

Learn and and then try to use it for best advantage and try to in a good way. And, and try to to meet the person halfway, learn from them, and see how they work, and they can see how you work. It just makes for much better life, much better relationships as opposed to only only digging in on the aspect of they don't understand me. They don't get it. You know? Just try to change that thought process and and change your expectations. And I gotta tell you something else. Sandy, how good are you with vocabulary words?

Sandy Kovach  [00:18:22]:

I think I'm alright. I don't know. It depends. What are you pulling out there?

Lanée Blaise [00:18:28]:

There's a reason that the English language has vocabulary words that begin with r e. R e, it comes from the Latin root word for again. I've got a nice accent now, but it gives us the opportunity to do things again so that we can get better and better, and it works under the assumption that things don't necessarily have to be perfect the first go around. So that's that whole part about that first kiss and that first job. It doesn't have to be perfect. I love the fact that we can restart and rebuild and reinvent and renew and repair, that god can restore us. We can recreate our lives. We can recreate our situations.

Sandy Kovach  [00:19:18]:

I believe in in re. No. I like that. I want to kind of express and embrace and put out there the opportunities that are available with the words that begin with re.

Lanée Blaise [00:19:31]:

There are always redos. Redos. Can't have a redo. There are very few things in life that you can't have a redo on. You mentioned with God. I mean, it says in the bible his mercies are new every morning. Yes. You had a screwy day? Yes.

Sandy Kovach  [00:19:46]:

Tomorrow is another day like Yes. Scarlett O'Hara. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Lanée Blaise [00:19:51]:

And we really need to perhaps focus on that, remember that. Because like I said, sometimes it just gets so you're in such a rut. You're in such a deep, dark place, and it may not feel temporary, although it is temporary, but it feels like when is this going to end, and we have to remember

Lanée Blaise [00:20:14]:

That we will be able to repair things. We will be able to renew again. I really wanted to concentrate on that. That came to me that re is is a powerful thing.

Sandy Kovach  [00:20:25]:

I would like you to remind me of that as many times as you would like

Lanée Blaise [00:20:30]:

to. I hope that everyone will reflect on all of these wonderful things. Just be blessed. Be a blessing. Take care of yourselves. Take care of others.

Sandy Kovach  [00:20:40]:

Good stuff, Lanee.

Lanée Blaise [00:20:41]:

Thanks. Well, let's go out. Now that we've reimagined ourselves, let's actually leave behind the stress of being perfect.

Sandy Kovach  [00:20:52]:

But easier said than done. Right? How do we do that? Maybe you got some takeaway for us.

Lanée Blaise [00:20:57]:

Of course. Let's start by consider bettering ourselves instead of concentrating on pure perfection all the time.

Sandy Kovach  [00:21:07]:

That sounds a lot easier. Okay.

Lanée Blaise [00:21:09]:

Yes. How about this? Let's work from the inside out. Maybe take one thing like kindness or peace or self control and developing that one thing in your life.

Sandy Kovach  [00:21:20]:

So it's not so overwhelming. You focus on one thing at a time. Right?

Lanée Blaise [00:21:24]:

Exactly.

Sandy Kovach  [00:21:25]:

Okay. Like it?

Lanée Blaise [00:21:26]:

Also, here's a big one. Try not to have expectations of perfection in others. You might just learn from them.

Sandy Kovach  [00:21:36]:

Yeah. I have to say expecting perfection in others can cause a lot of, misunderstandings, maybe fights even. Right?

Lanée Blaise [00:21:44]:

Yes. And we want to stop that.

Sandy Kovach  [00:21:47]:

Right. Expectations from others can be a killer. Okay. Move on, and you have something else?

Lanée Blaise [00:21:53]:

I have also even learned from your own mistakes. Learn to fail forward because you might be a Post it note accident turned phenomenon.

Sandy Kovach  [00:22:04]:

Or you might do something cooler than inventing Post it notes.

Lanée Blaise [00:22:07]:

I don't know. They are pretty cool.

Sandy Kovach  [00:22:09]:

Yeah. I guess you can't really argue with the RE to renew your life. Right?

Lanée Blaise [00:22:22]:

That's right. Sandy, we definitely do. I want everyone to think about it because what's stopping you? Imagine yourself living life without the burden of perfectionism.

Sandy Kovach  [00:22:36]:

Thanks for listening. Now, we'd like to hear from you. Got an idea for the show? Want to share your story or just say hello? Make sure you connect with us. You can do that at imagineyourselfpodcast.com, and we'll talk to you again next time when we have something new to imagine.

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