Imagine Yourself…Overcoming Rejection w/ Author of "From Reject to Greatness", Thamar Blaise

Thamar Blaise

Let’s start with a girl in middle school….

Very large and unstylish plastic rimmed super thick glasses

Huge helmet hair with shiny braces

And a nerdy, shy, new kid vibe to top it all off.

Let’s move to her middle school crush…

Handsome, Tall, Cool!

Why did her best friend, with the very best intentions, tell him boldly and directly that I liked him?

Why did he LOUDLY announce, “Well I do NOT like her!” in front of everybody?

Why did a little song play in her head as she walked away in defeat…

“Rejected. Rejected. You just got rejected.

R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D

Rejected!”

Whether it’s the rejection of a little middle school crush or something much deeper and more painful, we want to encourage everyone to take time out and really face the rejection in order to rise to their own personal greatness. We’ve dedicated an entire episode to something that may not be easy but is absolutely worth it!

Please join us as we invite Thamar Blaise to this episode of Overcoming Rejection. She will share her personal story and the strategies that helped her (and many clients) break free from rejection with renewed self-worth! Her book, From Reject to Greatness, highlights these strategies and is available at Amazon.com.

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPT

Sandy Kovach [00:00:01]:

Life can throw a lot at you, but imagine if your life were different, better, not because of what's coming at you, but because of what's coming from you. Let's get there together. Join us and imagine yourself.

Lanée Blaise [00:00:15]:

Welcome. Welcome, everyone. I'm Lanee,

Sandy Kovach [00:00:18]:

And this is Sandy. And today, what do we have up our sleeve that we are imagining?

Lanée Blaise [00:00:23]:

We're imagining being left out in the cold, being turned down for that dream job, or let go from our current job.

Sandy Kovach [00:00:33]:

Wait a minute. I was hoping you would be bringing me up with this what we're imagining.

Lanée Blaise [00:00:37]:

I'm even gonna go further. We might be imagining ourselves being dumped by someone or just kicked to the curb altogether by someone important. We've all experienced these things. Right, Sam? It's true. Right?

Sandy Kovach [00:00:50]:

Probably more often than we would like to admit.

Lanée Blaise [00:00:53]:

But because we are who we are and imagine yourself, do you see a ray of sunlight?

Sandy Kovach [00:00:58]:

I do because I know you're gonna bring it right now, aren't you?

Lanée Blaise [00:01:00]:

I'm gonna bring it. We're imagining ourselves bouncing back, finding inner strength, making the conscious decision to move in a different and better direction. We're going to imagine ourselves overcoming rejection. And we are gonna do it with a friend today. We want to introduce you to an amazing person who's on a mission to help everyone discover his or her greatness. Her name is Tamar Lanee, and she is a professional social worker, corporate trainer, certified life coach, and author of an amazing new book, From Reject to Greatness. We are so happy to have you here with us today, Tamar.

Thamar Blaise [00:01:46]:

Thank you so much for the invitation. I'm happy to be here.

Sandy Kovach [00:01:50]:

Absolutely love the book. So power packed in a very, actually, short read. Yeah.

Lanée Blaise [00:01:56]:

I love the way it starts. I mean, the title itself, Tamar from Reject to Greatness, is a bold title. There was a quote by T. D. Jakes, and he said, sometimes you get your greatest direction from your greatest rejection. And it feels like for anyone listening, can they take portions of that quote and portions of your story from your book and apply it to their own lives too?

Thamar Blaise [00:02:23]:

Some people are able to deal with rejection, and some people are not able to deal with rejection. And they stay in that state for a long time and they're not able to move on in life. But those who able to deal with direction, they make that rejection a motivational or it empowers them to pursue more in life, to be successful, and so that they can reach greatness. Everyone is different. Everyone faced rejection and they may feel like no one cares for them or that they're the only one that are facing that, and so they get stuck in that particular area. Year after year, things are not happening for them or they're sad. When they look in the mirror, they talk bad about themselves because of what that one thing that happened to them, that one person that rejected them, and so they sucked for a long time. And I've talked to so many people in their late sixties, seventies, eighties, even in their forties, they're stuck because when I talk to them, they're talking about something that happened to them in their childhood years or in their twenties.

Lanée Blaise [00:03:28]:

That's the part. Many times, those are the ones that leave the strongest and harshest impressions and are the hardest to overcome.

Sandy Kovach [00:03:37]:

Yeah. And Thamar, you mentioned something in your book that you said was pretty pivotal when you were in college that was kinda devastating.

Thamar Blaise [00:03:44]:

My professor told me that almost steered me away from completing my college degree because she thought that I wasn't a college material. Almost took me to a different path. That was another rejection.

Sandy Kovach [00:03:57]:

Yeah. I remember. I read that, and you had done really well in high school, and then you took 1 exam. And you said you had, like, a test taking anxiety, which I think a lot of people deal with. Yeah. And you had 1 bad grade, and this professor is telling you you're not college material? That's crazy.

Thamar Blaise [00:04:12]:

Yeah. So we were waiting in the hallway, and then my professor came, gave everybody their score, and she walked past me, and I was, like, oh my gosh. Just let me know I passed so I can go to my next class. I was the last person she came to. She didn't tell me my scores, but she just told me, I just wanna let you know that I don't think you're a college material. And as a 18 year old, hearing that and knowing that one of my dream was to pursue college, I was so crushed that I ran home. Ran home and cried and went to my mom and spoke about it.

Sandy Kovach [00:04:45]:

But you ended up turning it around and getting multiple degrees. But you're saying that that landed on you and bruised you regardless of the fact that you were able to overcome it. And that's probably true with a lot of people. Right? They might go through things like that. People speak into their lives like, you can't do this. You can't do that. And then even though you did turn it around, it probably took you a while to just overcome that feeling. Right?

Thamar Blaise [00:05:09]:

Right. I did have my pity party because it did hurt me. It was painful. And so I took that, and then I turned it around. That was my motivation. I think from that point, every time when someone told me no or someone rejected me, I made it a point that it would be my motivation to prove them that they were wrong. I worked hard. I put in the time.

Thamar Blaise [00:05:33]:

And then finally, I got my bachelor's degree, and then I went on to complete my master's as well.

Sandy Kovach [00:05:39]:

So much for not being college material. Yeah.

Lanée Blaise [00:05:41]:

Yeah. I went on and flourished. For those listening out who have been going through similar struggles and challenges, You you mentioned in your book that you have to do work. You said that, when I finally did the work, I was able to see the beauty in myself and discovered my dignity and my worth. And I feel like you're speaking to the concept of self worth. It's even in your subtitle of your book too. How do you start that process of building self worth?

Thamar Blaise [00:06:13]:

When I did the work, I discovered my self worth. I started seeing myself the way God saw me. Because one of the things that I did, I first had to identify what that thing was because I always mask it with something different. But the root of what I was going through was rejection. I had to make sure that I identify it. And once I identify it, I begin to do the work. And some of the things that I put in the book that I did was acknowledge it, recognize it. And then, once I acknowledge it, what happened because some people, they don't wanna go back to that or or they put it underneath the rug and they just keep it there.

Thamar Blaise [00:06:53]:

Because it's hard. It's painful. As soon as you went back there, there's so much emotional pain will come with it because you haven't dealt with it. And the reason why you didn't deal with it because you don't want it feel the way it felt the day that it happened. Yes.

Sandy Kovach [00:07:11]:

Think that it's that powerful? And if you're gonna be kinda cleansed of it, it probably needs to be that powerful. Right? That sort of emotion. Or you're really not feeling it.

Thamar Blaise [00:07:18]:

You definitely have to go back to it. And I would recommend that if people know, like, a good friend that they can talk to or even a mentor, and if it's so hard that they feel like they can't trust anyone because I'm a counselor and I've been through counseling. Yeah. I suggest to go to a professional counselor because there's so many feelings that will rise up that you may not know how to deal with it or cope with it. But a professional counselor will help you know exactly how to move forward.

Sandy Kovach [00:07:50]:

So they will help you process it as well, and you don't have to be afraid. Somebody will be there kinda holding your hand through it. Right?

Thamar Blaise [00:07:57]:

Yeah. Definitely.

Lanée Blaise [00:07:58]:

Because you're so vulnerable right then. I think you also kind of alluded to the fact that sometimes people had kind of almost maybe misdiagnosed the problem. What are some of the things that people might be thinking before they realize, actually, it is overcoming rejection that I need to work on? What were some of the things that you first thought was the core of the problem?

Thamar Blaise [00:08:20]:

Low self esteem.

Lanée Blaise [00:08:21]:

Okay. Did you hear that a lot? Yeah.

Thamar Blaise [00:08:24]:

Lack of self work or it was because the way I looked or it was my family. It was so many different things. And one of the things that I did to cover it up, I kept myself busy because I didn't wanna deal with the feelings. Mhmm. I didn't wanna deal with myself. So I kept myself busy, and everybody thought about that. Wow. She is so busy.

Thamar Blaise [00:08:44]:

She got a lot going on. But they never knew the reason why I kept myself busy is because I didn't wanna deal with me, with my issue.

Lanée Blaise [00:08:56]:

Yeah.

Thamar Blaise [00:08:56]:

I didn't wanna deal with it because if I sat down and even think those rejections that I've gone through, all those feelings will come back again. And I don't I didn't wanna feel that way, but I had to do it.

Sandy Kovach [00:09:10]:

That's tough. Rejection is part of life. And you said earlier, some people are able to move on past rejection better than others. What do you think makes some of us get stuck more in rejection? And then let me ask you this too, is there a certain kind of rejection that is harder to get over?

Thamar Blaise [00:09:30]:

If it happened in their childhood years.

Lanée Blaise [00:09:32]:

Yes.

Thamar Blaise [00:09:33]:

Maybe with a significant other, that can be in the childhood year or in your adult years because you love that person, or it can be a rejection with your family. Your family didn't want you when you were growing up. You were abandoned by your family. That will cause rejection. Yeah. There is another one where you can be rejected by a good friend, like your best friend you grew up together. If something happened and now you're no longer friends, now you feel like you can't have any other friends because you've been rejected by them. So there's different types of rejection.

Sandy Kovach [00:10:08]:

So there's definitely some strong ones. And as Lanee and I were preparing for this, I remembered something from high school that I had completely forgotten about. And, honestly, I don't think it still affects me now, but I bet it did then. And who knows? Like, you're talking about if we don't really deal with it, maybe it is. Back in high school, I was on the gymnastics team, and I was a cheerleader. And so I was pretty athletic, and I was pretty good at it. But 1 year when I was a cheerleader, I helped a friend of mine cheat on an exam. And I didn't want to, but she was, like, my best friend.

Sandy Kovach [00:10:40]:

And I didn't even know that the teacher knew that I did it. But when it came time to try out for cheerleading again, I didn't make it. And I couldn't understand, like, it should have been a slam dunk. And I went up to this teacher who was one of the judges who was deciding who was gonna make the cheerleading squad. And she said, oh, well, we really need good representatives of the school. And I was devastated. And then come to find out later that that was what happened, that she knew. And it was wrong for me to cheat.

Sandy Kovach [00:11:10]:

I'm not saying that that shouldn't have been counted against me, but I think that probably should have been dealt with at the time rather than just keeping it to herself and then taking it out on me and then saying those words. You know, I'm not a good representative of of the school. So I did stay with me for a few years. And you know how kids are in high school. Being cheerleader is a big thing, and so that added to it too. Along with those words. Those words. Powerful words, and

Lanée Blaise [00:11:35]:

it sounds like you remember it.

Sandy Kovach [00:11:37]:

Please do. It. I was in high school, and I'm now middle aged and still carry it around a bit, I guess.

Lanée Blaise [00:11:43]:

Yeah. Because that was someone you respected, and they really kinda laid the hammer down on what they said and the consequences of what they did.

Sandy Kovach [00:11:52]:

Would that be a good example of rejection? And it is that something I should probably think about again? Or do you think I'm okay kinda moving on now that I've talked about it, now that I've confessed it to the world?

Thamar Blaise [00:12:03]:

Just like what Lanee said, if you feel like when you were talking about it or when it came up the 1st time or you were thinking about what happened, if there's, like, any feeling that came up, if it's like, okay, nothing's there, well, then I think you're okay.

Sandy Kovach [00:12:17]:

Nothing is there now at this point. I can, I honestly say that? But at the time, that was pretty tough.

Thamar Blaise [00:12:23]:

I like

Lanée Blaise [00:12:24]:

this though because this is kind of teaching us to remember self evaluation, especially of past hurtful events. And I think that it is empowering to be able to decide. Let's say there was still something there, Heather. To take the opportunity to say, I'm gonna carve out some time when I have the emotional capacity and maybe even support from someone else to look at this further and deal with it and dig into it and dive into it just like I have seen Tamar do with her life and her book and some of these heavy things that she's dealt with so that it doesn't one day come and smack you in your face unexpectedly, and you have to deal with it when you're not emotionally prepared and you don't have the support? How do you feel about that, Tamara, like, kind of being proactive with it?

Thamar Blaise [00:13:17]:

What you just said is so important because I know the information in the book can be heavy for some people, and I would suggest to spend some time alone when you're doing your self evaluation because this is self care. This is all about self care, loving yourself. And then thinking back, do I have anything from my past that maybe is not helping me move forward because I haven't dealt with it. It doesn't even have to be rejection. It had to be something else. But spending that time with yourself and just doing that self evaluation and really thinking about those things. Even some people don't wanna do that. You can talk to a friend.

Thamar Blaise [00:13:59]:

A good friend will help you. If you have a a friend that will ask you those important questions that will help you dig into those things that you never talked about before, Some people, there are things in their life that they never wanna bring up because they've been hurt. It's been so painful for them. But, however, if you find that good friend or a mentor or a coach or, like I mentioned before, a professional therapist, counselor Yes. To guide you through that. When I tell you you will be free, it will be like a load has been lifted from your shoulder because you don't have to carry that any longer. You will see yourself differently. You will feel better.

Thamar Blaise [00:14:39]:

And then psychologically, it affects you.

Lanée Blaise [00:14:42]:

It might hold you back from certain things. Right?

Thamar Blaise [00:14:44]:

Right. It may hold you back because of the way you look at yourself, the way you think of yourself. You may feel like even though on the outside when people see you, they think you are strong. You've got everything together because that's where everyone saw me, you know. Yeah. Nothing's wrong with tomorrow. It's just good. But deep inside, I didn't know what I was going through, but I knew something was going on.

Thamar Blaise [00:15:07]:

A lot of people are the same way. Even with in their profession, they're at their job. They're doing amazing work, but yet there's something deep inside that they are not okay, that they're sad about because they've never dealt with it, and they may feel unwanted. They may feel that they're not valued or accepted even though there are so many people that love them. But because of what has happened to them in the past and they've never dealt with it, they will continue to feel the same way until they do the work.

Lanée Blaise [00:15:39]:

So your book is From Reject to Greatness, and I wanna definitely make sure we talk about the greatness part also because you have a a quote where you said your greatness is locked in a box called believing in yourself, and you have the key. And I wanna make sure that anyone listening goes away with that hope that they have the key to unlocking that greatness.

Thamar Blaise [00:16:04]:

And that greatness has always been there. As soon as you do the work, I was able to unlock that box. There were so many things that were waiting for me. There were so many things that I experienced because I did the work. I allow myself to go through the process, but one of the things that I gained was my self worth. I knew who I was. At first, I didn't know my identity. I was trying to be like others because I was trying to dress like others.

Thamar Blaise [00:16:32]:

I remember in high school, I was trying to dress like my friend or dress like the popular girl because I didn't know who I was.

Lanée Blaise [00:16:39]:

That happens to a lot of us.

Sandy Kovach [00:16:40]:

Yeah. That's true. I yeah. Especially at that

Thamar Blaise [00:16:43]:

age. Yeah.

Sandy Kovach [00:16:44]:

It's a very vulnerable age, high school.

Thamar Blaise [00:16:45]:

And even in adulthood, you know, years, people still don't know their identity. They don't know their self worth. They don't know that their value, Your greatness lies within you. It's what you are destined to do. One of my greatness is when someone reads the book and they call me back, say, wow, this touched me. This has helped my marriage. This has helped me to bring a perspective of what I was going through I didn't know. That's one of my greatness.

Thamar Blaise [00:17:11]:

It's to find that fulfillment that I'm helping others.

Lanée Blaise [00:17:14]:

Yes.

Thamar Blaise [00:17:15]:

Because I'm not keeping it inside. At one point, when God told me to release my story, I was afraid. I was like, no, God. I can't because these are stories that no one knows, but he said that this is going to help others. And I truly believe I was born to help others fulfill their greatness, to walk in their purpose, to know their assignment on Earth.

Sandy Kovach [00:17:35]:

So all of that that you've been through, all of the rejection and all of the work that you put in is not only for yourself, but in the end, helping many other people.

Thamar Blaise [00:17:44]:

I truly believe it's to help so many people because I love when they come to me and they tell me their stories and the and, you know, I help them through the process, but I can't reach everybody.

Lanée Blaise [00:17:54]:

Right.

Thamar Blaise [00:17:55]:

Mhmm. So one of the ways that I feel like I can reach more people is by reading the book. Reading my story, and then in the back, working on the different steps. Providing strategies to know your self worth and discover your self worth so that you can walk and see your greatness. Because everyone has greatness inside of them.

Sandy Kovach [00:18:16]:

And the strategies are important because we can talk about this, and you say that going to a professional counselor is something that a lot of people would probably want to do, but a good starting point is something like your book and to have practical strategies.

Lanée Blaise [00:18:31]:

I'm curious too. Now how do we listeners get a copy of your book from reject to greatness?

Thamar Blaise [00:18:40]:

They can go on my web page, tamarblaise.com, t h a m a r, Blaise, b l a I s e. Or you can just go on Amazon and just type in either my name or the title of the book, which is From Reject to Greatness.

Sandy Kovach [00:18:59]:

And we'll put that on our website as well.

Lanée Blaise [00:19:00]:

Yeah. On our website, we have the links we love tab, and that will direct them right to your website and and information also because I really do think that there are people listening who will be touched by your story, who will be motivated to go ahead and have the courage to jump into their own feelings and emotions and things that maybe have been buried for years or or, like you said, decades even.

Thamar Blaise [00:19:27]:

Mhmm. Mhmm.

Sandy Kovach [00:19:29]:

So I'm gonna turn to doctor Lanee here. We call her doctor Lanee.

Lanée Blaise [00:19:33]:

And She's fake doctor. Fake doctor Lanee. But yeah.

Sandy Kovach [00:19:36]:

For our takeaways,

Lanée Blaise [00:19:38]:

let's think about some takeaways for this. Now the biggest takeaway because we're blessed enough to have you here on the show tomorrow, I just want to think about a few things that the book does. I feel that it does 3 major things. Number 1, will help readers recognize the source of their problem because they may have in the past been saying, it's like you said, it's about my looks. If I can just look a certain way, everything will be good, when that is not the source of the problem. So you define the source of the problem, which in this case is rejection. It also shows readers examples of your life and other major life stories that you have incorporated in this book to show the rejection challenges and pain that they suffered and how they eventually small, tiny shifts and then eventually get to that small, tiny shifts and then eventually get to that tremendous mind shift that leads to unlocking their greatness. Is there anything I'm missing?

Sandy Kovach [00:20:49]:

That's beautiful. Did you wanna add anything else to, doctor Linne's takeaways, Tamar?

Thamar Blaise [00:20:54]:

No. She did perfectly wonderful. Thank you so much. I have to take you with me everywhere I go.

Lanée Blaise [00:21:00]:

Honey, I have read that book from cover to cover, a couple of times, and I love it because see, mine, I'm diagnosing myself again, but I feel mine is more like a self worth issue. Maybe rejection, maybe not, but I just really appreciate having a handy dandy go to guide to try to help me define things, and I just feel that others will feel the same way. And whenever we do this these shows, we really want to be beneficial to people. Anyone listening, we hope that they can take some nugget of it and advance their own life.

Sandy Kovach [00:21:38]:

So we are imagining ourselves?

Lanée Blaise [00:21:40]:

We are imagining ourselves. 1st of all, thanking Thamar Blaise for joining us today. We want to imagine ourselves discovering our self worth, breaking free from rejection, and moving in the direction

Sandy Kovach [00:21:56]:

of greatness. Thanks for listening. Now we'd like to hear from you. Got an idea for the show? Wanna share your story or just say hello? Make sure you connect with us. You can do that at imagine yourself podcast.com, and we'll talk to you again next time when we have have something new to imagine.

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